My Ebenezer Stone.

In the Old Testament, there are many instances where people would "set up a stone" to commemorate something the Lord had done. 1 Sam. 7:12 says: "Then Samuel took a stone and set it between Mizpah and Shen and named it Ebenezer, saying, "Thus far the Lord has helped us."  In the hymn, Come Thou Fount of Every Blessing, it says: "Here I raise mine Ebenezer; hither by thy help I come."

"Literally speaking, an Ebenezer is a "stone of help" or a reminder of God's Real, Holy Presence and Divine aid."        (definition from Grace Incarnate Ministries)

In just a few weeks, I will have completed my 3 year treatment for Wegeners. Yesterday in church, as we celebrated God's goodness, people in the congregation got up to give testimony on how God had met them.  I shared this testimony. This is my Ebenezer Stone - it's a reminder of God's holy presence and divine aid that I've experienced these three years.

Ps. 40:10

I will not hide your deliverance within my heart; I will speak of your faithfulness and your salvation; I will not conceal your steadfast love and your faithfulness from the great congregation.

I’d like to give a testimony to God’s deliverance, faithfulness and steadfast love in my life during this past season of suffering I’ve been walking through.

For those of you who are new – or have started coming to church in the last 2 years- you may not know that 3 years ago, I was diagnosed and hospitalized for a rare, life-threatening and incurable auto-immune disease called Wegener’s. Kidney failure sent me to the ER – and, 2 days later-- lung failure sent me to the ICU for just about a month. -  I was intubated and on a ventilator and a couple other machines - and in a coma for a week and half. 

Without treatment, average survival is about 5 months after diagnosis and 90% of people die within 2 years. While I was in the hospital, my rheumatologist said that even with treatment- 50% of her patients with my disease-- die.  In fact, an older man with Wegener’s just down the hall from me did die while I was there. Living with the knowledge that death is a real possibility for me has changed me!

After I got out of the hospital, I was in a wheel chair for a couple months, and had to go to dialysis 3xs a week (12-15 hours a week) for about 4-5 months (not knowing if this would continue for the rest of my life).  At the same time I was also going through 6 months of chemo, lost my hair and had to shave my head, and experienced disfiguring side effects from the high doses of steroids. While my hair has grown back (whoohoo!) I have for the past 2 ½ years been on “maintenance” (low doses) chemo along with steroids to keep the disease at bay.  I’m currently in a drug-induced remission  (Praise God!)– and, God-willing- shortly, I will be weaned off all the drugs.  I feel strong and healthy and praise God for all the ways he’s blessed me with strength and energy and the ability to return to normal activity.

 I am so humbled and grateful to God for the amazing recovery I’ve experienced- by His grace – and for the prayers of this church for me.

We were asked to testify about how God has met us – I have two ways I’d like to highlight:

1). I’d like to thank God for all the ways Ron loved and cared for me during my weakest and darkest days. God used him to tangibly demonstrate Christ’s love and tender care for me: bearing my burdens, and being strong for me when I was so terribly weak and helpless. He was such a picture of God’s love to me!

For the month I was in ICU – he was constantly by my side; sleeping in my room every night, praying over me and reading scripture to me while I was unconscious. He helped the nurses care for me – day and night- and gained a reputation for being “the best husband ever” with the staff.  Instead of putting me in a nursing care / rehab facility for three months after I was discharged from the hospital, he brought me home where he and the girls cared for me themselves: assisting me with everything: dressing, bathing, eating, and carrying me from bed to wheelchair- and wheelchair to car – and wheelchair to the dialysis center – he would wheel me in and need to help lift me out of my wheelchair and into the dialysis chair – and when it was done – do it all in reverse to get me back home. That was a lot of lifting!! He put a new spin on the song – LOVE LIFTED ME! Through it all, Ron was a kind, compassionate, patient, faithful, loving, husband  – a true friend to me when I was at my weakest and unable to do things on my own. Just like Jesus! J I am so grateful to how you showed God’s love to me!

While I am so grateful for the physical health I am enjoying, this morning I especially want to give testimony to a few of the ways God was faithful and worked in my heart during this season of suffering. I want to thank God for not only preserving my life and granting me physical health– but also for meeting me and sustaining me spiritually during the hardest trial I’ve ever had to endure.

Ps 66

-Come and hear, all who fear God, And I will tell of what He has done for my soul.

Physical deliverance is wonderful, but, more importantly, I want to share what God has done in my soul.

I’m grateful to God for delivering me – but I can honestly say that I’m also grateful to God for the trial – because God used it to deepen my faith and my relationship with him.

Nancy Guthrie in her book Be Still My Soul says that Suffering “pushes us deeper into the mystery of God. It makes us more desperate for him, to hear from him and sense his presence.”  - I have experienced this to be true.

Psalm 71:15

My mouth will tell of your righteous deeds, of your saving acts all day long-- though I know not how to relate them all.

There are so many things I could praise God for- but I only have 5 minutes!!

–– but the main thing I’d like to give testimony about is:

.

 2).  God’s presence – God. Was. With. Me! – during pain, during fear, loneliness, isolation, in my weakness… his presence was the anchor and comfort to my soul when I wasn’t sure I was going to live – and fearful I might die. His presence was the calm in the middle of the tornado of fear and uncertainty. His presence was my shelter, my refuge, my strength and my comfort – every.single.step. of the storm-filled journey.

God met me in my deepest need and darkest hours – and gave me help, encouragement, strength, support – he anchored my soul and calmed my fears through the promises in his word – esp. as I spent time in the PSALMS – mining them for comfort.

Ps. 119:50 “My comfort in my suffering is this: your promise preserves my life.”

Two of the promises he gave me at the very beginning- when I was first diagnosed but not yet in the hospital and unaware of all that I would have to experience. I felt the Holy Spirit whisper these words to my soul as I poured out my heart to him in lament:

Isaiah 41

“So do not fear, for I am with you;

do not be dismayed, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you;

I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

For I am the Lord your God

who takes hold of your right hand

and says to you, Do not fear;

I will help you.”

Is. 43

“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;

I have summoned you by name; you are mine.

When you pass through the waters,

I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers,

they will not sweep over you.When you walk through the fire,

you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.

For I am the Lord your God,

the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.”

God called me to go through dark and deep waters –but the rivers of sorrow / suffering didn’t overtake me!  

During this time of illness, I have found Christ to be my refuge, my fortress and high-tower and deliverer from my enemies – he truly did hide me under the shadow of his wings! Sometimes, when I remember or retell what I’ve been through – it seems worse to me now than at the time I was living it – I believe his grace and his presence in the moment seemed to shield me from the full brunt of the experience. Walking through this trial, focusing my heart in gratefulness on God’s goodness and seeking God’s presence – I believe- lessened the experience of suffering.

I want you to know that God is faithful. God is good. God is loving- and he is MIGHTY TO SAVE!  His Word is true and His grace is truly sufficient!!

I have found that what he provides during our times of suffering – is HIMSELF – and that is enough – and worth whatever we have to go through in order to know and experience his presence.

Blessed be the name of the Lord – the Holy One of Israel – our Savior.